Lucky Bitch.

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  It’s a miracle.  I made it to pay day with $21 in my wallet and a quarter of a tank of gas.  How long has it been since I’ve enjoyed a little breathing room during the 48 hours before my direct deposit hits the bank?  In the past several years, few and far between.

I haven’t always been a BAB.  In fact, for a while there I was downright upper-middle class, my (total household) income approaching six figures with a modest expense account and a car that was manufactured in the same decade.  I had premium cable channels, immaculate french manicured nails, and paid full price for Nine West shoes.  My cupboard was full of groceries, my utilities and insurance always paid up, and I bought twelve dollar martinis with my expensive sushi.  My career was all-consuming and quite literally a full-time job but I was alright with that, because finally I had a career, an identity, a quantitative stament that I was not a loser. 

It fell apart slowly and through one pivotal disaster after another – it can happen to anyone.  Wreck a car, get sick, wreck another car…  until at my absolute lowest I was working two jobs as a waitress and a personal assistant, twelve hours a day and making a fraction of my former income.  Hand-to-mouth became the new way of functioning, always on the razor’s edge, on the verge of running out of gas or getting utilities shut off.  When I thought that there was no way that my family’s quality of life could further deteriorate it did, then it did some more, and then still more.  

Human beings are pretty tough.  I’m no more tough or resourceful than you or the millions of other Americans who are out of work right now, but one thing I am is really fucking lucky. I pushed through and I made poor decisions but eventually my fortune turned and I got a job that was a little better. Then one that was better, another, better still.  I still haven’t reclaimed my income of five years ago, or all the toys, but I tend to think that there’s a reason for that.  I was remarkably stupid with the money when I had it, and the universe has a way of evening the score in due time.  I think that I’m really good at being poor, and really bad at having money.  When you’re a poor kid and you finally get money, I believe the term “pissing it away” applies better than anything; not having any lessons in managing finance to fall back on, I bought shit, paid a few bills and then waited for more money to come in.   

I have no answers for anyone on managing their money or advancing their career.  I was broken and low and finally my luck changed.  Things can turn around for anyone.  Luck is out there with your name on it, get in line for it and believe that it’s there.

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